I can honestly say that I am over you right now, this moment, forever. I loved and you loved but it was just destined for destruction. Your decisions took you down a river with a strong current and when I tried to pull you out, you in turn pulled me under. I was unable to see what was happening to me but then I saw the branch and felt you let go of me. I reached for you and tried to bring you with me but all I saw was your eyes full of pain and I knew then that I had to let you drown. You are still the same person you were before we met but know that I did mourn the loss. I mourned the life you could have lead and the one that you gave up on. But today I am free of your pain and misery, free from caring about someone who wants to die in his own self pity. Never mind, I will always care about the man who holds a piece of my heart even if he did not treasure it like he should...

Signs of Growing Up

Growing up is one of the hardest things that I've had to do thus far. It really is a mindset, a collective thought that must be pondered, a mental breakdown about who you are and why you are the way you are. Though you yourself are mostly responsible for the growing up, the people, places and experiences that you have encountered play a large role.

There are many different types of growing up. There are those who still hold onto the familiar and secure, some who explore and have a nose for trouble, some that keep their imagination and childlike curiosity, and others, who just want to remain dependent. It's not a Peter Pan complex so don't go confusing it. Growing up is something that we all have to face, some just choose to face it head on and others run away from it.

I know that I have grown so much in my twenties already. Heck, 22 onward has shaped me into the person that I am today. I don't want to grow up all the way but I am proud of who I am becoming. Yes there are things that I want to work on but I will get there with time.

I guess what started me on this path of pondering was finding out that the "Best/Greatest Relationship" guy that I dated a few years ago just got engaged. Why do people my age get engaged and have babies? Am I just lagging behind lol? Sheesh, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I can't imagine being a wifey or a momma. Oh, I know why I can't be either; I'm waaayyyy to selfish for it. See, I'm grown up enough. I can see my selfishness for what it's worth.

I just want to state for the record that I was still holding out hope that he would still be available when I got out of my selfish phase. Oh well. I'll just have to catch him on the other side of his divorce, lol! And no I am not joking, he was really that great.

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"

-Meredith Grey

Opening Match Remarks

How many people go through life not really enjoying where they are or what they are doing? The excuses are there lining every cage in which we are entrapped in. "I need to pay off my debts, I need health insurance, I need to save for retirement, blah blah blah, blah blah." I'm through engulfing myself in these petty thoughts anymore. Yes, I want to be debt free and yes I am worried about my future but seriously, I am only 24 years old and I want to enjoy my life, not worry myself to death.

Did I think to myself that at 24 I would be working in a crappy job monitoring alarms right out of college, living with a friends parents until I could get a place of my own? Hell no! I thought, in my romanticized notion of small town life and love, that I would be married at 22 and have my first baby by the time I was 24. Married? Hah! I don't even have enough expierence in romantic relationships under my belt to qualify!

Life is unpredictable and that is the beauty of it. But I am finding that I am starting to vernture down a path that is predictable and boring, a path that one gets comfortable and starts collecting cats and rocking chairs. No-o-o thanks cat lady! I want to be free of this life I'm leading, I want to be free of Missouri and the shell that I am right now.

I am a fun and fancy free person. I have a wonderful personality full of quirks. I am tall and I would not trade it for the world. I love myself and my family. I am curious about what is on the other side of the former Iron Curtain. I want to see what I only see in textbooks and on the travel channel. I want to expierence life and all that it has to offer. I want what I want and I want it now. I have to take what I want because I don't have a fairy godmother who shows up with the pumkin and slippers.

It's only me, Erica, vs. the World. Let me tell you, I'm going to win. You can bet the farm on it.